A few years ago, I had the pleasure of reuniting with a friend at a conference we attended in San Antonio. We were friends from the early part of our dancing career. We used to take class together and get cut from auditions together (which in the business is the usual day to day life). Now we are both physical therapists and she works in a high pressure, high volume, hospital environment.
We talked about how dancers are so used to giving everything we have. It is our job to be open and vulnerable, connect with the audience, and get along with our coworkers. These qualities of empathy and vulnerability are beautiful and messy. Like most things in life, there is also a shadow side.
A strength can be your weakness
I have learned that my strengths are being compassionate, empathetic, vulnerable, and passionate about helping people heal and feel better.
I have learned that my weaknesses are being overly accommodating and disproportionately putting other people’s needs before mine. In my 30s, I realized I was living out of balance in my desire to help people and would often forget about myself and my self-care needs.
Before I realized this pattern and started working on other ways to go through the world, I would catch myself in both work and personal moments. If my barista didn’t make my drink correctly, I would not want to “bother” them by asking to make me a new one. If a store didn’t have a size I was looking for, I would not ask the clerk to look in the back because I didn’t want to “bother” them.
I had trouble voicing what I desired.
A weakness can become your strength
Thanks to a brilliant therapist and meditation practice, I was able to retrain these patterns. I’ve applied these concepts in work, preventing burn-out and increasing my capacity to care for others.
I’ve taken it to the next level and incorporate these concepts into self-care. Before I over-commit to social plans (because it would be fun, not because I feel like I “should”), I look at my energy system. Will going out for a drink after a 12 hour day nourish me or should I schedule for another day? (Note: this post was originally released before quarantine and social distancing was happening!)
Getting out of the robotic nature of “push, push, push, go, go, go” took a few years to reprogram and involved a sabbatical from NYC. After living in the city for 13 years, I was able to recharge in the glorious landscape of wine country, rolling hills, ocean, and redwood trees of Sonoma County, CA. It took a detox from city life to realize how much of a hamster wheel I was on.
This brings me back to the conversation with my friend at the conference. She was not able to escape the sirens and noisy atmosphere of NYC like I did, so we discussed ways to bring mindfulness into her day to day patient care.
Integrating mindfulness into your life
For practices to become habits, it’s best for the behavior to become automatically integrated in your regular routine. Our life structure might be similar or could change from day to day. Either way, we have many opportunities for self-care and evaluation of our daily rituals.
For my friend, I asked her what she does on a regular basis during her work day. We discovered that she washes her hands, sets up her patients with assistive devices, and coordinates care with the nursing staff, which sometimes involves walking the halls looking for practitioners.
I challenged her to practice three mindfulness moments during the day:
- When washing her hands, feel the water on the palm side and back side of the hand.
- When setting the patient up on an assistive device, before they stand up, feel your shoulders softening and feet on the floor.
- When walking the halls, practice ujjayi pranayama or any mindful breathing technique.
Some of my patients find it helpful to set an alarm to go off every 25-55 minutes. This cue acts as a pause in their work flow to stand up and give different movement input into the body. Perhaps taking the elevator into your office can serve as a reminder to breathe.
I would love to hear in the comment section below how you find mindful check-in moments during your day.
Red lights can be good to become aware of breath, bless self and other drivers.
Yes! I love the blessing self and others! Thanks for sharing!
Love this so much! I struggle with the same notion of “not bothering” everyone around me and find it to be the biggest challenge to set boundaries.
Your insight is invaluable!
Agreed re: linking hand washing with some pranayama and “clearing the slate” before the next patient.
Also, we often hear advice to new moms “sleep when the baby sleeps”…. I have applied it to myself via “breathe when the patient breathes” and have found that downtraining my nervous system actually helps to downtrain my patients’ 🙂 of course, always staying present and focused on the patient during the session.
Thank you for all your wisdom and compassion!
Isn’t it amazing how we so often forget to do what we know is so helpful for our us and our patients? We just hop on the hamster wheel some times and forget to come off. So glad you connected with this blog! Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂